woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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