I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
