This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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