i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
