So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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