I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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