im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
