I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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