you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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