Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
