Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize