genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
