It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize