I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
