1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize