i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize