we have officially lost it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
