Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
