I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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