So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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