hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
