gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
