There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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