i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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