The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize