Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
