ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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