dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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