Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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