Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
youre lurking in front of me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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