She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
