Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
