I accidentally had phone sex last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
