Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
