The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
