I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
