youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
