I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
