Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
