I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
