News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize