I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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