i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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