I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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