we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
