you guys were way drunker than both of me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize