dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
