When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
