haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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