Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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