I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
