I met the friendliest cop last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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