During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
