We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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