i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
