so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You have to summon your inner elephant
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
