So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
