ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
