1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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