I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
