I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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