considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
