wrigley field is MILF paradise
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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