We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
