If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
