well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize