No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
