Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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