bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is Oprah even human
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
