so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
