so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sext me about skeletons
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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