It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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