One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
