I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize