my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
