Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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