I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
