Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
