Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
