Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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