Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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