O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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