My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
