I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
