Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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