You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
