i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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