Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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