Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
