what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
