Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize