if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
