apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
