did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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