we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize