I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
