he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
