you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
