I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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