When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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