Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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