I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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