yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
