My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
