I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
