So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
