Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
