You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
