mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
did you just send me my own nude
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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