Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
