Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
