I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
