i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
